Never looking down

Ever since I turned 20, the world looks different. I think I can appreciate things more because I have a new sense of anxiety for the future that I had never apprehended would come so fast. Suddenly my life is supposed to "start" because most successful young people start being precisely that at my age. I just left my teens. I am not ready to face an ambitious life.

So I've been conflicted. On one hand I thought it time to read those books that people have always said are essential to the "Twenty-something" population (see: The Sun Also Rises, Hemingway; The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera; The Catcher in The Rye, Salinger... etc.). All that intellectual/coming of age stuff that I've always liked, but apparently I was too young to really appreciate the full meaning of. So I decided to read The Bell Jar, because I've always had this feeling that I would love Sylvia Plath, but I never really knew when or where to start. She's best known for being a wonderful and tragic poet, but she wrote a novel which is based off of her life and I loved it. I can see how still-teen-me wouldn't have felt the same way I felt when reading it this month.

On the other hand, I've been tapping into my inner pre-teen and feeling a kind of Benjamin Button thing going on in my head. I'm a huge fan of One Direction. It's something I've learnt to love and express now I've turned 20. Just a month ago the fact that I liked this boy band whose fan base is made up in its majority of 13-year-old girls, made me pretty embarrassed and this didn't allow me to really ENJOY the beauty and phenomena of One Direction. Now I am basically an adult (and this may sound ironic considering the topic of discussion at hand, but I digress), I feel in full control of this love of mine and I've been expressing it everywhere I go: "If you don't cry with 'Story of My Life' there's something wrong with you" or "But 'I Would' is SO GOOD. Like lyrically great. They don't say "Love", THEY SPELL IT OUT" are some examples. I'm also having a Taylor Swift moment, but that's ever-present and comes and goes, so that's not a surprise (I am, however, obsessed with a song which you should probably listen and dance to, 'Holy Ground').

Maybe I'm just being my nostalgic self with this back and forth, but I think it's gotten a bit beyond that, and I've just become the perfect balance of "innocence" and "maturity" (those two words are so encompassing they have to be in quote marks because they aren't fully defining), and I'm enjoying both sides extremely. Who says I can't read Walt Whitman and then listen and sing along to the full Red album by Taylor Swift? Why are these things not supposed to correlate? I can't try to grow up cultivated AND have diverse music tastes?

It makes me angry when people criticise my love for things like One Direction, because, as far as I know, you don't really chose the things you like. That would be EXTREMELY useful, as I have a couple of classes I'd like to not fall asleep in. But, alas, that is not a thing that happens. And it's unfortunate, but you should acknowledge it and move on, and when someone tells you they had a really great time the other night dancing around to a Justin Bieber song, despite your own feelings for that boy, the person who's telling you the story had a really great time, so be happy for them.

In my case, I usually gain people's respect in social situations which feature "nerdy" or "cultivated" or "rly so superr intellectual" boys, when the topic of either Star Wars or Lord of the Rings, comes up, because I'm a huge fan of both and these boys will appreciate a common, slightly eccentric passion like that (not that SW or LOTR is exceptionally weird at all, in fact I'm usually dumbstruck in these situations because SO MANY people like them that it shouldn't be an eccentricity in any case, but oh well.) It's great that I can always resort to these two topics to blend in and well in awkward moments. But, these people who are so "accepting" of you because you really enjoy Annie Hall, will be the worst when you express, politely, even, your problems with the film (500) Days of Summer. Don't even get me started if you include in your music favorites Led Zeppelin and Taylor Swift together. "Goodbye", they'll shout, mock-offended, "You are basically embarrassing yourself comparing the importance of Zeppelin with that little girl singing about her ex-boyfriends." The thing is, I'm done with being embarrassed. What is that word, even? It sound like pregnant in Spanish. I am not ashamed of having diverse hobbies and interests.

I had to bring this topic up because I've been thrown this idea in my face for too long. Liking or respecting someone solely on their musical/literary/cinematic interests seems so banal. I don't want to be an archetype of a Lord of the Rings fan. Because no one is. That's why it's called an archetype. It's an assumption and an exaggeration and I don't like it. If you're a die hard fan, great, if you kind of like it, great, if you don't care for it, GREAT. Hooray for being genuine. I don't want to be reduced to a concept, and it's become more and more clear after turning 20. I do want to dip my toes in the sea of "What Every Twenty-Something Should Do", because it's probably really enriching and interesting and a good chance to learn things. But if I want to simultaneously listen to "Don't Forget Where You Belong" by One Direction and love it, I'll do it. Fitting the mold is quite out of the question now I realize I'm twenty years old and don't truly fit in anywhere. Luckily you don't have to. If they tell you otherwise they are lying and are probably ashamed of some of their interests, too (they're probably die-hard Swifties and you won't know until you rock out to Red in front of them... just a thought.)

Hope you have a great day and wow, if you read this, imagine me blowing kisses to you because that's how I feel about you.

xx

I'm done with summer, thanks

I was done with summer the day it started, to be honest, so it's been a rough couple of months for my cold heart. The only thing I like about this time of year is that I don't have classes, but that's quickly fixed because I've begun working for my retake exams in a couple of weeks. So right now I'm in a limbo between hating the weather and hating that I can't lay around watching movies and reading anymore in the coolness of my room. All of this I cover up with a shawl of fake positivity which is really just my undying excitement for Autumn. I cannot wait until I have leaves crunching under my feet and have to carry an umbrella just in case, and wearing hats and standing outside feeling the cold sneak under your coat and feeling glorious. At least I feel glorious. I'm an autumn child, you see, born in the beautiful month of October, so perhaps it's this that makes me so akin to the season.

Also, the beginning of the school year, however dreaded by academically-challenged characters such as myself, is actually a really exciting time. School shopping isn't what it used to be when you were ten, but it's still pretty neat. Starting things is one of my best abilities (continuing them, and *gasp* finishing them, is a whole other story), so starting a school year is really the epitome of 'beginnings'. Because, what's more of a start than a whole year of new classes, projects and information to drink up? I'm getting kind of stressed just by thinking about it. I should relax and think of things I want to buy, that always helps.

Without further ado, my Autumn Wishlist. I have dreams of all these items so I hope I'll be able to have them in my reach at some point. Thanks for reading! Do you share my feelings towards summer/autumn? I have a feeling it's an unpopular opinion... xx

1. Zara wool coat, 69,95€       2. Zara Mini Citybag Office, 29,25€       3. Zara Chelsea boots, 69,95€

4. iPad Mini, 329-659€           5. M.A.C lipstick Film Noir, 19€            6. Moleskine 3 Notebooks, 6€

Wait

Tomorrow I am travelling to the magical land of Asturias to visit my soul sister Marina. I have this really heavy feeling in my heart because I feel like I need to go for my mental health.

Yesterday I witnessed the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen. I live on the outskirts of Madrid and it's quiet and open and, since our apartment faces the West (more or less), I get to experience the beauty of the sun setting every day in the most beautiful way possible. I have an obsession with the sunset as seen from my house. I could watch it for hours and I wish we would live constantly with it in the background. It's so fleeting, it's like in a second it's changed and the sun is gone and you look elsewhere and it's suddenly dark when it had just been bright orange. When it's mildly cloudy, I lose it. I lose control over myself and I wish desperately (really) that I could fly into it.

Most of the time I take photos of it because I need to show the world its amazingness. People don't really care for it as strongly as I do, though. I don't know why, the sunset and the sky and the sky at sunset are things that make me go to a completely different state of mind. I kind of feel like I'm swimming, which is the closest thing I'll every do to flying...

These are some photos I took. I took 60 in total but some were not worth it (taking them from my window sitting on my desk is an extreme sport, I tell you), so here are a few. Also, listen to this song.

 

xx

Thoughts.

I don't really know what to say lately, on here. So I won't say much. xx

Blood Bank

These two are the only things I've had on my mind today. They're getting me through writing a tortuous project I have six hours to finish. They make me really happy in a calm, melancholic way. Hope you have/had a wonderful day.

xx

Jean-Charles Castelbajac F/W 2013

Jean-Charles Castelbajac F/W 2013

Jean-Charles Castelbajac F/W 2013

So if you know me, or have read this blog at all, my love for the Pre-Raphaelites and Romanticism will be evident (this post reflects my love for Ophelia from Hamlet quite nicely, and also, my banner...?). And when my lovely friend Sofía was delightful enough to tweet me THIS, I actually died. So it took me a week to look into this collection, but I finally did. And well... *SIGH* This collection is stunning as a whole but I have definitely become obsessed with the prints, mostly because they include my favorite painting, 'Ophelia' by John Everett Millais.  I am a big fan of reflecting/mirroring images, and it's a technique (for lack of a better word) I use in my presentation dossiers for class all the time, because it gives dimension and a different light to a photograph or painting otherwise perhaps too unexciting. Some of the other prints in the collection are mirrored and are as beautiful, featuring beautiful paintings as well.

Jean-Charles Castelbajac F/W 2013

Also can we talk about this amazing dress and how it reminds me of Fantastic Mr. Fox? And don't we all need some Wes Anderson in our lives? Thought so.

To see the full collection you click here (where I got the photos, too)!

I hope you find this as wonderfully inspiring as I did. It's been two days in a row with inspiration, I hope you're happy, because it makes me happy to find beautiful things like this. Also my friend Sofía who kindly introduced me to this beauty has a blog she hasn't updated in a while but is wonderful nonetheless, check it out HERE. Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoyed! ♥ ♥ 

Meadham Kirchhoff

Hi. :)
Browsing through Rookie today I came across another 'Behind the scenes' post on Meadham Kirchhoff. For all of you who don't know, it's a brand made up of Benjamin Kirchhoff and Edward Meadham, and, ever since I discovered them through Rookie (through this post ) my whole concept on fashion was kind of turned upside down. I had just begun my first year of studying fashion design, and I was (still am) unsure of what style or route to follow when it comes to design, so this was an essential moment for me and an enormous inspiration.

The feelings I developed for MK were, especially at the time, exceptionally large. I had been in love with Courtney Love for quite some time, and seeing her being reflected as MK's collection inspiration was too much for me. If you have time, check out that post, it's beyond beautiful and it's also an extremely insightful view from within a designer's studio, which to me is always the most exciting part of a collection.

Today I wanted to share my love for the Fall/Winter 2013 collection a little bit, which you can see above, because I've been in dire need of some proper inspiration lately, and this collection has come around to greet me happily, especially in the midst of designing a mini-collection for one of my classes, based on the kind of unknown Japanese subculture Mori Kei (or Forest Girl). It's looking like a good project for me, I'll keep you posted :).

On another note, I have (the past couple of days) caught up with "Game of Thrones" the series and I am writing all of this with a proficient british accent in my mind. It's kind of hard to not write like Ygritte would speak, with the best accent ever. So I am very happy with my having watched the show and am very in love with Sansa and Arya and also Cersei Lannister because pls. Also honorary mention to Khaleesi's hair and everyone's clothes and everyone's names.

Also me and my Rookie fan friends have just begun a Book Club/everything Club blog that you should check out HERE.

Hope you have a lovely day. xx

Sorolla

The rain in Spain

Today I went on a tour of the more obscure places of El Retiro, one of Madrid's most important parks, if not the most important one. It wasn't as awe-inspiring as I'd imagined, but it was a lovely 2 hour walk around the legendary park, filled with interesting stories about it. It's one of Madrid's free cultural activities, which I think is awesome. I went with my mom and her friend, and, even though it was raining for the most part, that just made everything more beautiful. Really gorgeous. I leave you with a few photos of the expedition. (By the way, I have a new camera! Expect lots of pictures of everything from now on! :)

On our way.

Weekend Soundtrack

Lykke Li - Melodies and Desires

Daughter - Smother

Bon Iver - Wash.

It's cloudy and rainy today and I'm very contemplative. This music keeps me in trance.

xx

Inspiration Saturday

As probably a few of you know, I'm in the process of making a 'film', which is more like an existential experiment in which really wonderful people from my life appear and who let me direct them in my weird stories. I can't lie. This is actually the most interesting thing happening in my life right now. I started thinking that the fact I'm so involved with this might be a response to an overwhelming sadness and unmotivation which has been sleepily creeping on me. But then I decided that it doesn't matter what this might be a response to, because all I really know is that I get so much joy in creating things only for myself. I then leave you here with a few of the sources of inspiration for this project that I have handily around the house. They are my favorite things to come back to. They make perfect before-bed stories, too. Whether it be dreaming of mythological monsters, of having a beautiful soundtrack to your life, or sitting under perfect lighting, all these elements of my life make me pensive and peaceful and wondrous.

From the valley to the stars

This song reminds me of not so long ago, when I first heard it and I lived, for a week, blissfully enchanted by it's lightness and simplicity. It literally has six words as lyrics. But it's beautiful. Now, the bliss I feel when hearing this song is merely a memory of that. It's the worst and most amazing feeling, when you fall in and out of love with a song. When you discover it and it overwhelms you, throwing your sanity out the window for the period of time you are constantly repeating the song, you literally are a purer version of yourself, enchanted by something as sublime as a song that touches your heart. When you grow out of it, it becomes a part of you, a limb, and it's useless until you need it, and when you do, it's there with you, and that security and peace you feel when you remember that is also overwhelming.

I think it was this song the one that sparked the idea. I am starting a project which I'm very excited about. It's a personal one, parallel to schoolwork but I guess also related? Video is probably my favorite means of expression, and I'm not really good at it, but I do feel like I want to be, so practicing with concepts I love I think will help me evolve... It'll be completely amateur but with a cast formed by some of my best friends from uni, who have graciously accepted to be featured in it. I don't want to give a lot away because there's a lot to consider, but it will be a film based on 10 different characters who are connected only in the way they feel about life and death. They'll be ten different parallel stories which will be tailored to each of my friends. I'm actually interviewing them tomorrow, and recording it for a kind of 'Behind-the-scenes', to create completely unique characters with their essence. If it all works out I will be involving myself in making an actual video of MYSELF (so outrageous) to explain the concept, because it's one I've had on my mind for a long time.

Just so you get an idea, the aesthetics which will probably feature in it will border on what I like to call 'sepulcral, subtle, semi-gore', which in my head is a mixture of The Shining by Kubrick and Lost in Translation and The Virgin Suicides by Sofia Coppola (three of my favorite films right there hehe).

I don't want to bore you with my incoherent thoughts about this any longer, but I'm very excited! If you want to see any of my other videos you can check My Youtube Channel, and I'll leave you with the first one I made last year, one of my favorites.

<3 xx

To muddy death.

'Ophelia' by John Everett Millais

There is a willow grows aslant a brook,That shows his hoar leaves in the glassy stream; There with fantastic garlands did she come Of crow-flowers, nettles, daisies, and long purples That liberal shepherds give a grosser name, But our cold maids do dead men's fingers call them: There, on the pendent boughs her coronet weeds Clambering to hang, an envious sliver broke;
When down her weedy trophies and herself
Fell in the weeping brook. Her clothes spread wide;
And, mermaid-like, awhile they bore her up:
Which time she chanted snatches of old tunes;
As one incapable of her own distress,
Or like a creature native and indued
Unto that element: but long it could not be
Till that her garments, heavy with their drink,
Pull'd the poor wretch from her melodious lay
To muddy death 

(Hamlet, by William Shakespeare)

Ophelia is such an amazing fictional character. Upon my fourth and definitely most enthusiastic reading yet of Hamlet, I have found myself holding on to the image of Ophelia like my personal religious icon, martyr even, memorising every word she speaks on paper, analising every reinterpretation made of her. A symbol of Romanticism, her death, brought by her own hands, is possibly the most beautiful to exist. In the play, her death isn't scened, only spoken of by the Queen (above), which allows a more creative and personal approach to her death. There are a million representations of that and of her life, always with the mystical aura of a water nymph, and always very solemn and pensive. In Shakespeare's play, Ophelia goes mad after a series of unfortunate events which attack to her precious, innocent, undeserving (of cruelty, that is) soul. But, in my heart, Ophelia simply begins to exist on another plane parallel to ours, to everyone's, where looking for logic is illogical and, where if your heart asks you to sleep eternally in the river, you'll lay there and wait for nature to play its part and make you a part of it. 'Ophelia' in Latin means 'help'. But I think the only help she ever needed was the one to get her out of the world she didn't belong in.
That is why Ophelia is my everything, because she didn't succumb to the world, but to nature, which should be the natural thing to do, no?

Velvet

I made a thing for my friend (the ever mentioned) Marina, and her blog. I think it turned out all right. This is the one she chose:

And this is my fumbling away with photoshop, nose bleeding and all (if you know me, you probably know it's an element I tend to repeat ^^)

Just thought I'd pop in and tell you about it, I had a lot of fun with it!

ANNND visit Marina's blog: http://www.velvetmarina.com/

xx

I never told you what I do for a living

Hi! Long time no see. I return to the blogosphere to present an already kind of old project of mine, which was once again, a collaboration with my soul sister Marina.

To be perfectly honest, this project was really a failure in many ways as well as an eye-opening experience. The process of development of the project in question lasted the whole first term of this school year. Long-term projects aren't my thing, especially when the theme wasn't very motivating and I was stuck in an emotional well of self-doubt. Now, looking back, I realise so many things which I could have changed, to make the project worthy of a good grade and recognition.

This project was done by everyone in my year, to 'compete' for a place in the Madrid Bridal Fashion Week, which is in May. 26 of my super talented classmates were selected (they were all breathtaking, believe me, such genius at work there). Needless to say, I wasn't one of them. NONETHELESS it was overall a very teaching experience. I now feel like I can't do any worse, and I kind of got out of the emotional well. Which means I am able to show you how I approached this project. I feel like I can now criticise it knowledgeably and not get sad. Also, I think it wasn't that horrifying. Judge for yourselves. I did work hard on it and I still feel proud of the result, so keep in mind I love it in the way a mother loves their most ungracious child.

These are a couple of the photos I took of Marina and the dress. You can see the rest on My Flickr.

Radiohead

This felt relevant.

Radiohead is one of my favourite bands. But I can’t listen to it for too long because I’ll go crazy. Melancholic, nostalgic, drowning in incomprehension. There’s so much that I love about these feelings. Lying on my back on the floor, on the bed, listening to ‘Fog’ or ‘Nude’ or ‘Idioteque’, and being transported to a mechanical world where everything is metal and there is no sunlight and the air tastes like blood. There is so much I adore, and need to be transported to this world where the sound is a constant hum of a factory and no humans are to be seen. This ghost world of nothingness, and complete and utter industrialization, so to speak, is as appealing as the ever glamorised balcony overlooking the Eiffel Tower, as appealing as the idea of walking in New York, never looking down. Every one of those things is appealing to a different side of me and is accompanied by a soundtrack, and every song is as essential to my being as the last. But… but. Nothing compares to a world that doesn’t exist. Walking around my neighbourhood at 5am is the closest I’ll get. There’s no light, not a person in sight. There will be a light noise of a car passing by somewhere or the wind making a tree wobble. There is nothing like walking through lonely streets immersed in a world played by Radiohead. Life turns grey and blue and electronic and pure but not of this world.

I can’t listen to Radiohead for too long because I long for this world I created when I heard ‘Paranoid Android’ for the first time. And it has never left me, this longing. And I never am fully there, which is exhausting, frustrating and yet strangely relieving.